CLC was a great experience. since it was my second year, it was different, but i learned a heckuvuhlot more. it’s really hott. i’ve been taking showers in the middle of the day. i hecka didn’t do the journal devotionals during CLC, and i’ve been selfishly using my nights for other things. so sorry to anyone who’s reading this and thinking “what are all these random questions about?” i’m online, so i figure i’ll do these here instead of in my journal (which is hecha tricked out by the way!)
How does it make you feel to know that God wants all of your love and worship?
All is such a definitive word, soo complete. it kinda makes me feel bad because i haven’t given Him my all. i mess up, so i’m not giving Him all of my best. but it’s good to know He has high standards for me, that He wants the best from me, because He knows that i can give that to him. God is jealous, but it’s a healthy jealous, because He’s really the one that should be having all of my attention. if i just focus on Him, everything else will work out. which isn’t really what i’ve been doing. i’m wanting that tangible gratification of the moment. but it’s always nice to know that God still loves me no matter what, and i’ve still got a chance, thanks to His grace. God’s love is infinite, another definite, complete word. that’s what makes me wanna worship. basically, it just makes me feel gooood.
Describe how you feel when someone uses God’s name casually or in anger.
that’s kinda a toughie, simply because i do that sometimes. it’s something i’ve gotten used to doing. but God’s name doesn’t deserve that. God’s name should get all the love and praise that it should get, which is what worship does. God doesn’t think of us in anger, so we shouldn’t use his in that way either. i feel guilty, and discouraged. but i’m doing my best to use my words for love and not hate!
How can you make God’s name holy this week?
i can worship. and since i’ve been hecka lazy i should spend lots of chill time with God. it reminds me of CLC, when we were talking about prayer. it really can be done anywhere anytime. relaxed or not. in a concert, or in the bathroom. and prayer should be one’s life. prayer should flow through you. but i also know that prayer can be really deep and powerful. because words are powerful. and when you have God’s power with those words, you’re unstoppable.
so i guess here goes my long, deep blog, eh?
CLC was great. it really got me thinking about next year, and the Retreat Team. and just being a Junior. how people are leaving, but change is good, and it can be hard. but we all gotta live with it, knowing that God’s got in under control. people were all crying, but i merely teared up. maybe around others, i want to be strong, but alone, i’ll let it out. gah, me and my weird complexity for crying. i just gotta step up this year and do what needs to be done. i gotta stop tying to be cute, because i don’t need to be cute to get attention. this explains a lot about how i act and why i act the way i do. maybe i want attention, and i like it, well, i do. i’m just excited to see what my and journey partner have in common. i don’t wanna seem mean or intimidating, it’s just that i don’t really talk to her, so i’m trying. this upcoming year is definatedly gonna be exciting.
i feel like some things about my personality need to change, but these changes will be for the better.
i’ve only been home for like, two days, and i’m back to waking up before 12:00 and my unhealthy eating habits.
i really want hangout time with people this summer though.
summer’s just begun, and i can already tell that God’s moving me to exciting things.