shades of grey

lately i’ve been a little addicted to “checking in” with people. it all started when i went out and had some food with two good friends of mine whom i haven’t talked to or caught up with in a while. after that i hung out with another friend, then i had coffee with someone else. i was totally feeling proud of myself in the fact that i was fellowshipping with my friends and spending quality time with them. it was great!

and then i came across the downside..

there comes a point when hearing about other people’s lives can get pretty heavy. well, i guess i’m just putting it lightly. imean, i found out some disappointing stuff about people and it got to me.
on top of that, i’m realizing more and more that what was previously taught to me as what is “right” isn’t always necessarily true. i have my values, but i’m also questioning some of those values, and i’m just basically questioning myself. it’s scary, because my thoughts are getting turned upside down, and i don’t know if they’re going to go back up or just completely turn around or something.

i guess i’m an addict. not in like, the drug way, but just with certain things. it’s like a person has become “a fix”. or i got a fix of that person, and now i’m going to last for a few weeks before i start to go insane, then bottle it up for a few more weeks, then explode.. and the cycle continues.

but i digress.. i just realize that i’m not so sure about everything. and i’m afraid that i’ll turn into someone i won’t be proud of. it’s hard to be good these days.


2 responses to “shades of grey

  1. hey alexa. nice to know someone still uses this thing. i’ve missed xanga. these days there isn’t much of a medium for blogging and just letting thoughts out… anyway, about that stuff, I think I know what you mean, although you were a little vague. hearing “heavy” things about friends… to a degree of disappointment. welcome to the wide world of being a young adult! lol. Well, that’s not everything, but being as that I was your age not all THAT long ago, I remember quite well the days when I would find out that friends I thought i knew really well end up surprising me. that kind of thing always happens no matter what age you are, of course, but I just remember it happening so much more when I was around your age (senior year and early college age). I guess that’s the age when people tend to start changing… it’s a tough transitional period for most people – finding out who they really sorry didn’t mean to ramble on like that. I guess having a chance to write about things that aren’t merely frivolous ramblings got me a little carried away.  but i hope you don’t worry about it too much. being grown up isn’t half as fun as growing up. =]

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